But it really got me thinking. Thinking that you really can do or be whoever you want to? Because nobody else in the entire world does a better job at being you than yourself? so why do we all spend SO much time worrying and comparing ourselves to everyone else around us? there are so many voices around you ,but you really must listen to your own.
I read something a little hurtful about me last week, and it really got me thinking. why as people are we so quick to get heated and judge other people? why do we get so annoyed at peoples little flaws and ways? It's a shame that we all do that, but the one good thing that came out of that not so nice situation, was that it forces you to analyse yourself, and think whether you are really truly happy?
And that's when I had an epiphany, and realised I'm probably not. Because it kind of became clear in my head - that I can do 4 pineapple classes a week, go to the gym three times a week, work on my voice, do my exercises, work really hard, go to auditions... but at the end of the day. Something's clearly not working because while lots of my friends are smashing the westend... I'm still failing to even get a recall?
Yes it's all a waiting game, yes good things come to those who wait, it'll happen blah blah. But when I stood in my Wicked audition, totally drained because I'd thought about it every single day for a week, stayed up till 1am making up my freestyle... when it actually came down to bringing it to a panel of casting directors. I looked like I'd never trained and nerves won. And when I got cut, and spent the entire day gutted...I just realised, that it doesn't work.
It doesn't work being that person. because every time you get cut from an audition, you go and do three more classes, but not because you really want too, because you feel like you have too. and that's not a good balance? I mean, you wouldn't go to a pilates class if you thought it was boring as hell, but because you felt you should? I keep being told by a good and very talented friend of mine to stop caring so much, and in my head I've never understood how you can not care about something that means the world to you? and maybe in some ways I still don't totally.. but I think slowly, slowly I am understanding what she means.
Because let's face it - you either go through your life being a workaholic, who works their backside off, does all the right things, spends all their time and money on their career and misses out on opportunities, and you might not ever reach your goals. OR... you work REALLY hard, have tons of fun with your friends, don't beat yourself up if you have to miss ballet to go and see the new katy perry film AND have a life. and do things that inspire you other than musical theatre. and maybe still not ever get a job... but at least your a fulfilled and happy person. and I know I'd much rather be the latter.
Hey - Katy Perry says and it's my favourite. I said it in my last blog I'll say it again
'IF YOU GOT A DREAM. YOU GOT TO GO ON A JOURNEY TO FULLFILL THAT DREAM.
to summarise - time to start living a little bit more. If that's buying heinz beans instead of sainsbury basics, if that's going out with a friend for cocktails, if that's taking the night off to watch a film, or if that's blowing off the gym hitting the sofa and lighting a candle whilst reading a good book. I think those thing's are important. and it's time to start being a little selfish, and being a little kinder to myself.
To all my precious friends reading this. Feel confident. Feel happy and always remember to know your worth. Light up like a firework and let your colours pour out of you. Because you're special. In lots of ways, so don't ever forget that :-)
NO DAY BUT TODAY.
Milly Summer x
