2012. It's been fun.

HELLO.

It's fair to say it has definitely been a while. been meaning to write and a special friend of mine has been nagging at me to do so - Just been waiting until I actually feel inspired, and what better day than the last day of the year. a summary one could even say.

I'm going to do my BEST to keep this one short and sweet. yeah right - but no I really am going to try. I could go on about how I had a great Christmas, Autumn, Winter etc. but let's be honest , nobody really gives a shit. so I'll stick to the usual style.

Today or tomorrow, I think a really good idea is to write a list - a list of things that this year you have done that have been AMAZING and then write another one. one full of things that you are GOING to make happen this year.
Not gonna lie - never been a big fan of odd numbers, but I guess it's inevitable that it's going to happen so might aswell suck it up and find some love for 2013.

2012 has been pretty special - not just because of the thing's London has done but because as a person thing's have happened that have opened my eyes and potentially changed me for good. Highlights of this year? having a four day jubilee birthday weekend, meeting the most amazing guy that I waited so long to meet, the Olympics, going to L.A - the list is endless. However equally there are thing's that in 2013 I need to happen. A westend contract, another life changing holiday, to learn to cook and stop eating so much sweetcorn and to simply just be - a normal person. That's not too much to ask for right?

Also I hope I can speak for everyone when I say no more forcing yourself to do things you don't want to do just because you might feel like you have to and definitely no more worrying. because let's be honest - it gives tiny things the biggest shadow. So if this year, if you have those moments - tell that little voice in your head to sit down and shut up. because I'm pretty sure life is better that way. try it. There are many voices around you - but you must ALWAYS listen to your own.

I'm going to leave it here. Because I could write pages about how lucky I am, how happy I am and how BLESSED I am. All that is missing right now is a job, and when you put that next to an entire list of positives, you realise your actually not doing so bad. Don't be too hard on yourself. It doesn't matter if thing's that happen to you are good OR bad. Because both teach you a lesson and surely that's the most important thing right?

Happy New Year to all of you beautiful people. Make sure it's a special one.  Personally, I've got a good feeling. Let's hope that stays.

NO DAY BUT TODAY.

Summer x

CALIFORNIA GIRL

HELLO FROM L.A

Seeing as I'm currently in a pretty AMAZING place you could have guessed I've been jotting thoughts and little things down into my famous notebook and of course what better time to post a blog.

Life right now? consists and has done for the last two weeks of creativity, inspiration, dance classes, amazing sights even better company, a whole lot of love and beautiful sunshine. all in the days work of a California girl. After all, my girl katy wasn't lying when she said 'sun kissed skin so hot it'll melt your popsicle.' FACT.

The BEST thing about being away is realising how beautiful life and people really are. I'd definitely be American right now. The positivity and the attitude alone in this country is outstanding, that's the one thing I'm definitely taking back home. standing in a class, watching the most stunning dancers I've ever seen, thinking I'm not sure if I'm out my depth here. then listening to the teacher say 'class is all about being vulnerable, about being open and about throwing yourself into the routine. well.. that's enough to make me feel inspired.

I can't express my excitement when two fellow house mates know people who have danced on tour with katy perry, when I receive the biggest plate of nachos I've ever seen, when I step outside into 30 degree sunshine or when I'm laughing with my precious friend I'm out here with over nothing. It's definitely the simple things in life.

and the BEST thing about it being the last week.. is that we still have a HUGE amount of things to accomplish, exciting things to try and of course, the fact that I get to come back to England to a pretty special boy, some incredible friends and hopefully to the next chapter of the milly summer diary and ITS NEARLY CHRISTMAS! THE.BEST.TIME.OF.THE.ENTIRE.YEAR. not that I'm excited.

I've come to realise that time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time. It's as beneficial to kick back, open a bottle of wine and eat some good food, as it is to hit three classes. after all, the people around you in your life are the ones who make and shape you, and surely that's important right?
Life is simple, it's just not easy. but it's worth living to the FULL so ENJOY it.

Whether it's a holiday, a dance class, a night in or out with friends...when you stop and think about it? hours  and days go so fast that it would be shameful not to find things that make you smile.
YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU HAVE ENOUGH AND YOU DO ENOUGH. SO STOP WORRYING.. If you don't like something change it.. and don't put pressure on yourself. For me, training in L.A has made me realise I have ALOT I want to work on as a dancer. and if that means I have to wait a little longer until I get my break.. that's ok. because it's better to have good skills and feel confident in yourself than to be the opposite right? and that's exciting. learning is the best and most exciting part.

Anyway, enough rhetorical questions. The key is - Just be happy and realise YOU are special and nobody else in the entire world can do a better job at being you than you can. that to me is as exciting as eating heinz beans instead of sainsburys basics. almost.

A very special friend of mine recently said about tattoos - ''I think when we are born our body is  like a blank scrapbook and the tattoos you get during your life, are like little stories and moments that fill it up.''
well I've been thinking that maybe, just maybe; it's kind of the same thing with the things you do and the memories you create throughout your life. all slotting into a little section of you bit by bit. and those memories help determine who you are and keep you going. who knows?
Just a thought to leave you on.

NO DAY BUT TODAY.

Summer x

summertime

what a month. WHAT. A. MONTH.

I feel like the last four weeks have been filled with many good things. the olympics and the electricity it's created around the city, the festivals, summer, birthdays, nights out, nights in. ONE MONTH until I am dancing my feet off in L.A. LIFE IS GOOD. infact no - Life is EPIC.


The good news is - I've definitely been a normal person the last few weeks, in the midst of crying at Jess Ennis winning her gold medal, meeting a pretty awesome guy and some new friends, dancing in the mud on a high watching Rihanna at wireless, working behind the coolest bar in south london. What's hard with all of that - is the balance. Great as it is being like that, where does the line come when you make both work? Because I have far too much drive and probably pride to be a lazy normal person for too long, yet a special person in my life told me that to be a good performer she reckons you have to have good experiences and a good personality in general life. which after all the above, is probably really true. I guess it's pretty hard to change who you are and just be able to walk into a room and think 'I'm the bollocks.' literally. I guess I'm just not that kind of person, but what I'm learning is... Maybe I need to be a little bit more.

After my last blog which had alot of positive feedback, it's kinda hard to follow up with another one. I guess they say when you feel real emotion about something then that's when you write the best. wheather that's in a diary, a notebook or a blog. Here goes...

As I lay in the summer sun of my parents beautiful farm country house, with my top lashes yearning to touch my bottom ones in a hazy daze of sunshine and tiredness.. I sit and wonder about the things in life that make me really happy. obviously there's the obvious; food, wine, holidays, going out, dancing, dressing up, a good movie, music, strawberry laces. But then I think about all the underlining little things. perhaps the un-superficial things. things like - laughing really hard with your little brother, stepping out your front door into a beautiful day, a whole dairy milk on special offer (big bar of course), people watching in covent gardens starbucks. writing i suppose?... funny that. actually stop and think right now to yourself - what really makes me happy.

If you surround yourself wth positive people, you will always have the better outcomes. Somtimes the thought of everything overwhelmes you slightly and you can feel really crap. right? But I think it's always worth remembering just how lucky we are. me for example - I always picture the fat smelly man on the bus with about two teeth and clearly no razor, who asks everyone for a pound. And I think - yeah my lifes actually allright.

I literally believe - that the only way to have a great life. is to commit to it like crazy. do whatever you want when you want and take every single opportunity that comes your way. because if you don't, you might miss out  on things that might not ever pass you by again. That's not just audition talk either. that's in general life. After all, be thankful for what you have and you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have. you'll never have enough.

It does make me laugh though, when my agent calls me with an audition or a casting, and his exact words are 'make sure you wear tight clothes and get your body out'. I mean - can't imagine many work folk say that too each other on a weekly basis? Pretty self absorbed dancers are. must be something in the leotards. Still... If I can get a job by being a genuinely decent person with the occasional error, then I shall consider myself pretty dam lucky. I mean - as much as I love what I do, it's not like I'm saving lives is it?

I reckon I will always have a constant stream of to do lists, a constant heavy bag, a constant scatty brain and a constant clumsy streak. That's just the way I am, and what I'm learning is although there are many voices around you, you must listen to your own. you know what you want and you in the end, make it happen.

IT'S HARD TO CONTINUE TO DO SOMETHING YOU MAY FEEL YOU'VE FAILED AT. BUT IF YOU CAN FIND THE COURAGE TO TRY AGAIN. YOU WILL BE STRONGER FOR IT. NEVER GIVE UP.

I think I'll always probably feel like I'm not trying hard enough. But what's really worth knowing - is that you HAVE enough,  you DO enough and you ARE enough. I'm gonna leave you on that thought.

No day. But today.

Summer. X

YOUR A FIREWORK

'You can be be, anything you want to be'. I stumbled across that quote this week. OK so it was said by the famous Walt Disney and to be honest, anyone that builds a magic kingdom can say that right?

But it really got me thinking. Thinking that you really can do or be whoever you want to? Because nobody else in the entire world does a better job at being you than yourself? so why do we all spend SO much time worrying and comparing ourselves to everyone else around us? there are so many voices around you ,but you really must listen to your own.

I read something a little hurtful about me last week, and it really got me thinking. why as people are we so quick to get heated and judge other people? why do we get so annoyed at peoples little flaws and ways? It's a shame that we all do that, but the one good thing that came out of that not so nice situation, was that it forces you to analyse yourself, and think whether you are really truly happy?

And that's when I had an epiphany, and realised I'm probably not. Because it kind of became clear in my head - that I can do 4 pineapple classes a week, go to the gym three times a week, work on my voice, do my exercises, work really hard, go to auditions... but at the end of the day. Something's clearly not working because while lots of my friends are smashing the westend... I'm still failing to even get a recall? 

Yes it's all a waiting game, yes good things come to those who wait, it'll happen blah blah. But when I stood in my Wicked audition, totally drained because I'd thought about it every single day for a week, stayed up till 1am making up my freestyle... when it actually came down to bringing it to a panel of casting directors. I looked like I'd never trained and nerves won. And when I got cut, and spent the entire day gutted...I just realised, that it doesn't work.

It doesn't work being that person. because every time you get cut from an audition, you go and do three more classes, but not because you really want too, because you feel like you have too. and that's not a good balance? I mean, you wouldn't go to a pilates class if you thought it was boring as hell, but because you felt you should? I keep being told by a good and very talented friend of mine to stop caring so much, and in my head I've never understood how you can not care about something that means the world to you? and maybe in some ways I still don't totally.. but I think slowly, slowly I am understanding what she means.

Because let's face it  - you either go through your life being a workaholic, who works their backside off, does all the right things, spends all their time and money on their career and misses out on opportunities, and you might not ever reach your goals. OR... you work REALLY hard, have tons of fun with your friends, don't beat yourself up if you have to miss ballet to go and see the new katy perry film AND have a life. and do things that inspire you other than musical theatre. and maybe still not ever get a job... but at least your a fulfilled and happy person. and I know I'd much rather be the latter. 

Hey - Katy Perry says and it's my favourite. I said it in my last blog I'll say it again

'IF YOU GOT A DREAM. YOU GOT TO GO ON A JOURNEY TO FULLFILL THAT DREAM.

to summarise - time to start living a little bit more. If that's buying heinz beans instead of sainsbury basics, if that's going out with a friend for cocktails, if that's taking the night off to watch a film, or if that's blowing off the gym hitting the sofa and lighting a candle whilst reading a good book. I think those thing's are important. and it's time to start being a little selfish, and being a little kinder to myself.

To all my precious friends reading this. Feel confident. Feel happy and always remember to know your worth. Light up like a firework and let your colours pour out of you. Because you're special. In lots of ways, so don't ever forget that :-)

NO DAY BUT TODAY. 

Milly Summer x

buddha

She's back. Sorry about the sudden absence... London life caught up with me for a second there. It happens.

SUCH a mad few weeks. most important one being my birthday. just kidding, kinda. It actually was the BOMB though. Somewhere amidst all the jubilee flag waving, drinking, partying, dining and eating it truely was the BEST weekend and I feel truly lucky to have such special friends in my life. so thank you - you know who you are. Let's not forget old queenie too, big up to her for giving me a four day weekend to celebrate. always knew she was a gem. P.s - I got a hairbrush. only took me six years.

Auditions - WOAH. Seem to have drastically appeared out of nowhere. I go from sounding like a total out of work performer to a nutcase- non for a couple of weeks then four in a week. but before you get excited - no I didn't get any of them. Someone up there really is making this hard for me.... they're making me work VERY hard and wait a VERY long time for my lucky break a.k.a a JOB. If they are reading this on their little private heaven cloud - I'd realllly appreciate it if you could make it happen now. Honest I would.

I saw a great friend this week in two of my auditions, and she taught me a rather interesting phrase of hers. 'audition vampires'. You know the kind who suck all the belief and soul out of you in the audition room? (sorry muggle friends this you will not follow). Basically they have the ability to drain you of all positivity and leave you feeling deflated after merely 2 minutes of talking to them? well keep away from people like that. not good for the soul.
quote of the week for me this week when a choreographer screamed before the audition began  - 'don't be nervous or you'll be shit' .... made me laugh. blunt but true.

I find right now I am always wishing for more time. how can one fit in a class, the gym, some singing, lunch, dinner, errands and work into a day? if I had a magic power it would be to freeze time. or fly?....that'd be pretty ace. let's be honest though - busy is always best - because it means your working towards or for something you care about. and that's important.  The more new things I'm trying, whether it's a class, food, place in london... whatever. it makes me happy, so something I'm doing is right. I LOVE learning. I know that fully entitles me to be a nerd. but that's ok. because I've recently heard that they are pretty cool.

IF YOU GOT A DREAM. YOU GOT TO GO ON A JOURNEY TO FULFIL THAT DREAM - Katy Perry. My favourite and anyone who comes out with things like that would be.

As for me - I'm actually in my flat tonight for the first time in WEEKS on the sofa. can't remember the last time I just got to sight on the sofa and watch T.V?? It's nice every now and again. might even have a bubble bath... because I'm worth it.

Happiness doesn't depend on what you have or who you are... it solely relies on what you think  - buddha.

I'll leave you on that thought. No Day But Today

M. Summer x

sunny happy days

As I sit in the 9am sunshine in elephant and castle waiting for my ballet class and an hour early.. I think about how one. I'm always stupidly early because the thought of being late stresses me out. is that weird? and two  - about how rushed and manic all the business men look storming down the tube on their way to work. 

This week I walked out of hellfridges (selfridges) for the LAST time. GOODBYE TOPSHOP. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a bloody good feeling. infact, think I almost did a little step ball change out the door. almost.

In other exciting news... it is my BIRTHDAY WEEK. YESSSSS. I LOVE birthdays... attention, love, food, drinks, presents... all for you? because you were born? who wouldn't love that?

Life is pretty good right now. Auditions have been pretty quiet but they seem to be picking up again. I used to worry when they were quiet... ? now I've realised it's all about managing your time well. and now when it is a little dead, I use my time to work on my skills and train harder. I think it's pretty easy to get stuck in a mundain routine, exactly the reason why I'm trying so many different classes at pineapple. even ones I know I am 99% sure I look like a stiff log in, but you got to be challenged right? otherwise your just going to classes for the sake of it. and what's the point in that?

It still confuses me life. I think that's part of growing up. well that's what my mum says anyway?

I read a good quote this week that I shall share - 'Just because you miss someone, doesn't mean they deserve to be in your life.' 

True that. Even if you really wish they were, or want them to be. Life is about lessons, just like the ones at school. but these ones aren't times tables or learning about a metaphor - these ones are REAL and they teach you something about you. every single day. that's exciting.

my second one comes from mummy summer  - 'The harder the climb, the sweeter the success' MY FAVOURITE.

If you believe in yourself and are patient enough to keep working. then you will do well in life. because to be honest... whose stopping you? I've learnt not to feel pressure anymore? I think as performers we have such a liability to compare ourselves to others and worry. what's the point? I stopped doing that when I left college. and it is the BEST thing I have ever done. some people wait 5 years until they get their lucky break? so for now, I think I'm doing alright. :-)

Good things don't come to those who wait, they come to those who work their arse off every single day and make it happen. 

General highlights of the week? ... the fruit man in tooting calling me babe, leaving shitshop, the SUN, a BBQ, dinner with a great friend and as always - my entire tuesday spent at pineapple. 

Right now, I'm a huge fan of life. lucky me.

Happy days

Milly Summer. X

in order to be irreplaceable, one must be different.

Blog number 6? can't remember, actually going to stop counting now because we all know im too scatty to keep track. crazy how much in a week i whip out my little brown notebook to scribble down ideas and thoughts and when i actually do sit down for ten minutes to write this all out i have too much to fit in and never enough time. like my life in general. time is PRECIOUS. fact.

Guess I should stop blabbing then and write... Ok - auditions (wahey) to be honest pretty dead at present. jesus i sound like such a performer now. joy. but it's true - had one last week for a show in hong kong, burlesque type audition, my favourite.... not. 

I did make an interesting observation though at this one - i need to do TOWIE. that's right - the only way is essex look in auditions, seems to be the one. apparently all the girls that apply fake tan, wear false lashes, cover themselves in make up and get their body out, do quite well? then there's me - pale, huge frizzy hair (still no hairbrush purcahsed note to self.) slap dash of make up on, well red lipstick pretty much... and some baggy topshop tee shirt than i reckon is 'tight' when tucked into hotpants. fail. i'm working on it.

in other exciting news - i quit topshop. YES... goodbye hellfridges, sorry selfridges. no more standing picking up clothes or shoes for people, no more days spent sirening songs bored out of my mind. the only downside to this - is the fact i'm leaving behind some pretty epic people. special that.

my new job is in a BAR. what a skill... who knew that you have to pour beers a certain way? not smash every glass you pick up and that there are over 30 different wines... well so far it's going ok. it means i have my days free to trainnnnn and hit the gym and class.... so once again my non happening musical theatre career means i work the anti social hours of a peanut. GRAND. plus - the staff are pretty much all hot fashionable guys. so it's a win win situation? right?

on this note - it WILL all be worth it. never give up on something that you really want. it is difficult to wait for it but i think it is more difficult to regret. if you give up that is. and wanky as this may sound - giving up and myself just don't go hand in hand.  the harder the climb the sweeter the success. yeah i did.

it's always funny how things, people, peoples opinions and their thoughts on you just suddenly don't really matter anymore. and how over time you just finally figure out that some people really aren't worth it. sad i suppose but good at the same time too. i have wasted too much time in my life caring and trying to be everyones friend - now i realise all that matters is the very precious ones i have around me. my housemates alone - three individual fantastic people. who keep me motivated, happy and self assured. and i feel very lucky about that. 

because at the end of the day - LIFE.IS.SHORT. if you don't like your job - quit if you don't enjoy someone's company - leave. i am a positive person and that means i make the decision to be surrounded by positive people. easy enough. there's plenty of alright people worth your time around. im sure of it.

in september my blossom and i are planning to go to L.A - to spend almost an entire month TRAINING. EVERYDAY... doing CLASS. the thought of being in an american studio with hot commercial male dancers... makes every penny worth it... and let's be honest. a trip like this will hopefully fill us both with inspiration, excitement and good karma. just like thailand and the buddha did for us. and i think that's pretty important every now and again. like strawberry laces, or buying branded heinz beans instead of sainsbury basics, or drinking good wine and eating, well pretty much anything. makes me smile anyway.

Too many people go through their life waiting for things to come their way and happen.WRONG. if you want something then YOU have to make it happen. 

no day but today.

Summer x