what a month. WHAT. A. MONTH.
I feel like the last four weeks have been filled with many good things. the olympics and the electricity it's created around the city, the festivals, summer, birthdays, nights out, nights in. ONE MONTH until I am dancing my feet off in L.A. LIFE IS GOOD. infact no - Life is EPIC.
The good news is - I've definitely been a normal person the last few weeks, in the midst of crying at Jess Ennis winning her gold medal, meeting a pretty awesome guy and some new friends, dancing in the mud on a high watching Rihanna at wireless, working behind the coolest bar in south london. What's hard with all of that - is the balance. Great as it is being like that, where does the line come when you make both work? Because I have far too much drive and probably pride to be a lazy normal person for too long, yet a special person in my life told me that to be a good performer she reckons you have to have good experiences and a good personality in general life. which after all the above, is probably really true. I guess it's pretty hard to change who you are and just be able to walk into a room and think 'I'm the bollocks.' literally. I guess I'm just not that kind of person, but what I'm learning is... Maybe I need to be a little bit more.
After my last blog which had alot of positive feedback, it's kinda hard to follow up with another one. I guess they say when you feel real emotion about something then that's when you write the best. wheather that's in a diary, a notebook or a blog. Here goes...
As I lay in the summer sun of my parents beautiful farm country house, with my top lashes yearning to touch my bottom ones in a hazy daze of sunshine and tiredness.. I sit and wonder about the things in life that make me really happy. obviously there's the obvious; food, wine, holidays, going out, dancing, dressing up, a good movie, music, strawberry laces. But then I think about all the underlining little things. perhaps the un-superficial things. things like - laughing really hard with your little brother, stepping out your front door into a beautiful day, a whole dairy milk on special offer (big bar of course), people watching in covent gardens starbucks. writing i suppose?... funny that. actually stop and think right now to yourself - what really makes me happy.
If you surround yourself wth positive people, you will always have the better outcomes. Somtimes the thought of everything overwhelmes you slightly and you can feel really crap. right? But I think it's always worth remembering just how lucky we are. me for example - I always picture the fat smelly man on the bus with about two teeth and clearly no razor, who asks everyone for a pound. And I think - yeah my lifes actually allright.
I literally believe - that the only way to have a great life. is to commit to it like crazy. do whatever you want when you want and take every single opportunity that comes your way. because if you don't, you might miss out on things that might not ever pass you by again. That's not just audition talk either. that's in general life. After all, be thankful for what you have and you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have. you'll never have enough.
It does make me laugh though, when my agent calls me with an audition or a casting, and his exact words are 'make sure you wear tight clothes and get your body out'. I mean - can't imagine many work folk say that too each other on a weekly basis? Pretty self absorbed dancers are. must be something in the leotards. Still... If I can get a job by being a genuinely decent person with the occasional error, then I shall consider myself pretty dam lucky. I mean - as much as I love what I do, it's not like I'm saving lives is it?
I reckon I will always have a constant stream of to do lists, a constant heavy bag, a constant scatty brain and a constant clumsy streak. That's just the way I am, and what I'm learning is although there are many voices around you, you must listen to your own. you know what you want and you in the end, make it happen.
IT'S HARD TO CONTINUE TO DO SOMETHING YOU MAY FEEL YOU'VE FAILED AT. BUT IF YOU CAN FIND THE COURAGE TO TRY AGAIN. YOU WILL BE STRONGER FOR IT. NEVER GIVE UP.
I think I'll always probably feel like I'm not trying hard enough. But what's really worth knowing - is that you HAVE enough, you DO enough and you ARE enough. I'm gonna leave you on that thought.
No day. But today.
Summer. X
